I Warned You About the Paint Dawg
by fujikawaii10346
Summary: Alternately titled: Taste the Rainbow. John and Dave paint the walls of their new apartment bedroom. Shenanigans ensue. Pointless fluff based off of Moeartea's headcanon on tumblr.


Disclaimer: Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.

Based on Moeartea's headcanon:

"john and dave are moving into their own apartment, and they decided to paint the walls of their room….

they couldn't decide on a colour so they had just bought a variety of them.

at one point, john trips on one of them and it just spills all over and in his flurry to try and keep it from spilling completely, he slips on the paint and grabs onto dave (who was the closest thing to him) and he comes tumbling down too. so now they're both covered in paint and they stay quiet for a while before just bursting out laughing. john quickly gets up and crawls over to the rest of the colours and just dumps some of them onto dave and comments on how he looks like a bag of skittles and dave then just pulls john's hand and forces him to fall on top of him and the rest of the paint and says something lame like "taste the rainbow" and then john uses his finger to write "dave is a dick" on the wall (with blue) and then dave uses the red to cross out "dave" and write "john" over it instead and then he touches john's nose and gets paint on it but it was unexpected so he lost balance and used the wall as leverage so he got a handprint on it… dave, then, in an explosion of sap and cliche, decided to put a handprint next to his.

john decided to kick it up a notch and wrote "john" over his handprint to 'label' it, so to speak… then they finally calmed down a bit… so john went to go get the cleaning supplies and mops and stuff and when he came back, dave had added "+ dave 5ever" next to his name

john just stopped in his tracks, grinned, and called dave the lamest dude to walk the earth

(then they kissed)"

* * *

You can't believe it. You _did it_! Twenty two years of life have all lead up to this day: the day you and Dave move in together. Well actually- you lived together during college, but that doesn't hold as much credibility because now you're finally out of school; with stable jobs (you and him are a bio-tech-assistant-intern and a sound technician respectively with part-timers at Club Alternia) and great friends. Best of all? You're married.

Yeah, the summer after graduation, you suggested it (partly as a joke) after a night of celebrating the end of finals, and next thing you know, you were on a fucking party buss with the eighteen assholes you called your friends- on your way to vegas.

Good thing the overdose of M'n'M's and that newlywed glow (complete bullshit. It doesn't exist) helped cancel out your hangover the next day. Kind of. Well, at least you weren't projectile vomiting all over the hotel bathroom.

You and Dave stayed with Sollux and Karkat for a few weeks as the search for apartments began. Thankfully, by the second week, you found it- and it was so perfect you almost cried- not that living with Tweedle-Bee and Tweedle-Grump was hell, but it was... Yeah, it was hell. You swear, one more romcom with Sandra fucking Bullock and you would flip like a bitch. you're actually not one to talk, what with _The Cage-_ but you would never admit that.

Now though, after a week of moving things and sorting out the paperwork, you two were the proud renters of apartment twenty six on the second floor of 13000 Studebaker Street. But something bothered you. It was too... White. So on Sunday (after obtaining permission from the manager), you and Dave got your shit together and decided to paint your damn room already.

One trip to Home Depot later, and you were glad that there was only one flight of stairs between you and the front door. Living at the end of a hallway really had its perks sometimes.

Once inside, you and Dave all but run to the bedroom and deposit the paints onto the barren floor (having moved everything out the night before).

You stand back and grin, "The walls are a blank canvas Dave! We can do anything we want!"

He smirks, "I can't do _what_ever I want, but I can do _who_ever I want."

You roll your eyes and pinch his shoulder when he steps past you and opens up a paint can full of 'Real Red' and dips a paintbrush in, testing a little bit on the wall. Smiling contentedly, he pours it out onto one of the trays and grabs a roller. You follow suit with your can of 'Blueblood'.

A few hour's worth of labor later, you step back to admire your work. A majority og the wall was done and you were proud of yourself, to say the least. You turn around to survey Dave's progress and- holy shit. The wall was completely coated in a rich red, and now he was lazily splattering white and black on the damp wall.

You walk over and press pause on the iPod dock you switched on at some point. Wrapping your arms lazily around Dave's waist, you make him cease his actions and turn to face you instead, "Yeah?" he asks as arms come up behind your head, bringing you forward for a kiss.

"Looks awesome man."

He smirks, "I know."

"Wanna help me when you're done?"

Dave pulls away and chuckles ever so slightly, resuming his work. "Fuck no. Your wall's boring."

You pout, turning away; "I'm not gonna leave it plain..." you grumble. Suddenly, the 'Jolly Green' smeared cover of an un-opened paint can and a clean paintbrush catches your eye. Hello Prankster's Gambit, haven't given you a treat in a while...

"Whatever bro, it won't be as cool as my wa-"

A giggle.

Suddenly, green stained platinum blonde makes way for pale, freckled marred cheeks and downturned lips. You can't see his eyebrows anymore because his forehead is crinkled. "What."

You grin mischievously, "That's a nice shade of green, don'cha think?"

Suddenly, you feel a sort of wetness on your face, and you can no longer see out of the left lens of your glasses. "Nah, I like the Passionate Purple more."

You smirk and crouch down, acquiring more of the green paint. "You know, green is red's complimentary color."

"I could say the same about orange and blue. Plus- I'm dome and your wall is still looking a bit plain."

Your grin widens again and you dive for the blonde, smearing green where you can. This triggers a chain reaction that in turn sparks a paint war (it amazes you how neither of your walls were damaged extensively. Maybe a drop or a little splatter here, but not that noticeable), which leads to a wrestling match (that ends in a few more casualties: rest in peace Robust Orange and Passionate Purple; Serious Gray and Gusto Gold.)

You're laying on top of the floor-turned-paint-graveyard with Dave above you. You're smeared all over with paint and you could not be happier. "Taste the rainbow, babe." He pulls you up and pins you against the no longer blank back wall, leaning in for a bitter tasting (but non-toxic) kiss.

The whole standing thing doesn't work out though, because soon you're sliding down the wall- shirt acting like some kind of shitty paintbrush for the rainbow vomit. A few minutes of sloppy makeouts later finds you on Dave's lap all the way across the room, leaning against this chest with your side, breathlessly giggling as he lazily fingerpaints on you with red.

Suddenly, he's snickering. You look at him confused, but you know that there's only one thing that could make a Strider giggle like a giddy little girl like that. "Fuck you Dave, drawing dicks on my face is totally mature."

He chuckles, "Not my fault. I saw a blank canvas and I took my chance," he shrugs.

You roll your eyes and grab the nearby can of blue paint. Coating your hand, you get on your knees and, about four feet up in dark blue, you write: 'dave is a dick' with an accompanying illustration.

Dave frowns and gets up too, crossing out his name in red and instead writes yours.

You scoff and stand, acquiring more of the blue paint. The plan was to riffle his hair and to tint the perfect, pale blonde shade his hair is, blue. By the time you turn back around though, he's already standing up. He reaches forward and boops you on the nose with red.

Taken aback, you jump and stumble back- straight into a paint can. You try to grab the wall for support, but there's not really anything to hold onto, so you end up leaving a blue handprint. Before you know it though, there is a sharp ache in your lower back and Dave has a hand over his mouth, trying not to burst out with laughter. He fails.

"Oh- screw you!"

He continues laughing at you, but offers his hand. You gladly accept it and pull yourself up. Straightening your clothes, you head to the kitchen for some old rags. Paint's not gonna clean itself. Grabbing said rags (as well as some paint thinner just in case along with other cleaning supplies) from under the sink, you step back into the bedroom.

The first thing you see is Dave lying face down on the floor. Above him, next to your unintentional handprint (now with a label that said 'john') is a plus sign and a red handprint labeled with Dave. Written in purple beside it is a sloppy '5ever'. All of that in turn is surrounded with a large heart.

You drop everything and all but run to Dave. You pull him up and kiss his cheek, nope, lips, forehead, everything.

He chuckles, "Enthusiastic, are we?"

You just kiss him again, grinning widely. "You're such a sap!"

"Hey now- that was for ironic purposes. It was just calling my name, 'Dave! Dave! Come turn me into the corniest wall painting this side of Manhattan!' I couldn't resist."

You roll your eyes and squish his cheeks together, placing yet another kiss on his lips. "Sure Dave. Sure."

You pull him into your arms and rest your head on his shoulder; looking around the room, you see that the place is a mess. Your gorgeous blue wall is now splattered with green, orange and purple- while Dave's is miraculously untouched. The previously blank back wall is a smorgasbord of colors. Dave's heart, your 'Dave (now John) is a dick' and drawing, as well as the smears from your impromptu makeout session are all there.

Smiling, you nuzzle into his neck and tighten your grip around his waist. "I like it. Can we keep the walls like this?"

He nods, "Fuck yeah we can."

* * *

NYEERGH. I've had this done forever ago.. I was just too lazy to make the colors accurate... /le sigh.

Anyways- please leave corrections in your reviews.

**Fics coming up?** Yes! I've decided on which 'Broken' prologue I'm going to do, and I've also got a sadstuck coming up (it's titled 'Spoiler: Jawn Dies'), and a few smuts? I think... If I counted right- I've got three smuts WIP! Though that third one...

ANYWAYS. Summer's coming up! I'll probably be wasting it online or writing, so yeah. Tumblr me and you can see what I'm like when I'm derping out online.


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